In this episode I got the opportunity to speak with screenwriter Steffan DelPiano (WHAT REMAINS OF TROY, INHUMAN, ROGUE).
SIDENOTE: If you happen to be a screenwriter who is also proficient at WordPress, and would be willing to exchange notes for some website assistance, please contact me. And when I say proficient, I mean proficient. Not…”I dabble” or “I could probably figure it out.” Thank you in advance.)
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- WHAT REMAINS OF TROY featured on Scriptshadow
- Eclipse The Script on Twitter — iTunes — Stitcher
- Holy Blood, Holy Grail: The Secret History of Christ & The Shocking Legacy of the Grail by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, and Henry Lincoln
- Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton
- Apocalypse World by Vincent Baker (RPG)
- Here’s a link to the blogpost for the show
Further Analysis and Suggestions
These are some thoughts/suggestions that I feel may make this script more effective…especially from the very beginning:
-We don’t feel the weight of 10 years of battle in these characters from the opening pages. They feel almost too fresh.
-Odysseus’ disposition feels too casual regarding his current circumstances. We certainly sense that he misses his family and wants to go home, but we don’t truly see it in his actions. I don’t intend to be dismissive of the moments where you do “show” this – what I mean is that, to me, he needs to be a bit more bold in his attitude towards wanting to be home and no longer at war. Instead of dealing with it privately and more muted, that it should come through in all his actions. Not overtly, but still there. (and it could already be there and I’m not picking up on it as I should)
-For example, maybe Odysseus could remark that a positive thing about Achilles’ death is that the war should be over (because it’s obvious they can’t win without him)
-I feel Pyrrhus needs to be at least 15/16 to buy into the premise (and I think it makes it more viable as a movie product). Because Pyrrhus blames Odysseus for the death of Achilles, this is great character motivation and dynamic that I don’t think is set up enough for these two before they enter the horse. They have their conflict there (and one minor moment previous), but this is where Pyrrhus outright states that Odysseus is to blame. I feel like there needs to be more setup of their conflict sooner. This is the core relationship in the story and I believe it needs more refining.
-I also feel like there’s an absence of emotion regarding Odysseus towards Achilles and his death. How does Od feel about the loss? Does he feel it at all? If he does, is it because he lost a friend? Or that they lost an elite soldier? Simply that they won’t win the war? That he blames Achilles for having to climb into this small horse?
-Another suggestion would be to have Pyrrhus already be crushing on Polydora before entering the horse. Have him be the one on the shore skipping stones for her. I know this creates a problem with the purpose the scene already serves with the pieces you have in play, but it could serve as an opportunity to have Od and Pyrr begin their open feud for the audience. Just a suggestion.
-While researching, I read that the HORSE is the emblem of Troy – perhaps that should be shown as well as an argument as to “why a horse?”.
These are merely suggestions, and I admit, I’ve been removed from the script for a period of time now, so some of these things may already be in the script and I’ve simply forgotten, or they are totally off base with the intention of the script.
If others disagree, or have their own insights, please share them in the comments section. It only benefits the writer and that is what I care about most. What say you?
Here is the script I wrote for the fake movie trailer at the beginning of the podcast:
After nearly a decade of fighting to reclaim their abducted queen from the city of Troy – an exhausted Greek Army has suffered their most devastating loss
The death of their fiercest warrior…Achilles – with no chance of victory and a king still waging war – one soldier, Odysseus, has had enough
Inspired by a vision brought on by torment, agony, and longing for his family – he must convince his fellow soldiers that the path to triumph does not lie in the favor of the gods – but in himself, a wooden horse, and the young page of Achilles…who blames him for his death
Together they will have one night to breach the fortified city, secure the queen, and escape to their ships waiting on the shore
Odysseus’ determination to end the war and reunite with his wife and children will drive him regardless of the insurmountable odds
By ship or by spear, tonight he goes home
And when morning comes, and the sun rises in the east, we will find…
WHAT REMAINS OF TROY