Title: DEATH VARIATIONS
Logline: The lives of a private eye, an INTERPOL agent, a police detective, a millionaire, and a psychopathic killer intertwine in a story of violence and redemption.
Script: DEATH VARIATIONS_EtS
My Script Notes: DEATH VARIATIONS – Serradell – EtS notes – 6.23.17
Link to Scott’s Short Script Competition Script: One Knight Stand Revised_EtS
On today’s episode, I talk with the extremely gracious screenwriter and community contributor Scott Serradell.
He is a great guest and provided a lot of interesting content for this show. And…had no qualms about going into the deep dive with his script and I can’t thank him enough for that discussion. For me, getting to hear a writer talk about their choices and beliefs in a script is always valuable. It’s also a reminder about how much thought writers put into scripts and their specific story choices.
I did cut this particular episode into two parts due to the total run-time. Since I won’t be doing an episode next week, I thought this may suffice. Besides, each week I’m encountering a new issue with the show, and thought this week’s would be making it a two-parter.
Scott was also kind enough to make his short script ONE KNIGHT STAND available. This is the one he entered into the Scriptshadow Short Script contest. He originally posted it in the comments section there and it ended up winning it’s particular weekend. It’s a good read (and funny).
After I’d already published my notes on today’s script, I had few more thoughts that I wanted to include briefly. I feel they are important and didn’t want to forget them (POSSIBLE SPOILERS):
- Once I understood the story as a whole, Perryman’s motivation towards Wolf doesn’t feel justifiable. For one, I don’t feel Perryman’s screw up on the missing girl case is believable enough. Especially for a detective who seems to have a reputation for being awesome. I just don’t believe he would’ve made the error that is chosen for the story. Secondly, Wolf has had an effect on 68 cases. Which is substantial. So that fact that he comments on wondering if Wolf even existed seems unbelievable. And I almost feel that they would’ve crossed paths long before Jenna’s case.
- Perryman’s determination to pin either Jenna’s death, or the trifecta of deaths in one afternoon, on Wolf, also seems misguided. Because, again, Wolf’s backstory seems to indicate a credible ally – even if his methods aren’t to the liking of Perryman. Now, I know I’m sort of losing focus that it’s because of the grudge Perryman has towards him, but I feel if that grudge can be more solidified through Perryman’s backstory, then the rest feels more credible.
- Helen’s motivation seems a bit misguided as well. This one was tough for me to process in a way because her reason is justified, but it’s hard to believe that she would carry that specific grudge to the degree she has and would be so blatant about her intentions. It’s borderline “cartoonish” for me. And I feel like an ass for typing it out like that. If her overall actions fit the TONE you are going for in your script, you should probably ignore this note. However, if you feel there’s some merit, or would like further discussion about it, don’t hesitate to reach out. You know where to find me!
- If you’d like to know who I am on Scriptshadow; I post as Linkthis83
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- The Scriptshadow post announcing Scott the winner of the weekend (NOTE: Scott’s last name is misspelled on the SS post)
- A fan-made trailer for the manga movie AKIRA (it’s a great trailer for being fan-made)
- BAGGED AND BORED Season One
- BAGGED AND BORED Episode 4: POG CLUB